The power of language

Which main feature distinguishes humans from other advanced animals? Some would say the ability to make fire, some perhaps that we know how to use tools, others yet that humans might have some kind of “souls” which animals wouldn’t.

I would say – language; the ability to speak and communicate.

Just a few days ago, our two-year-old started to use a new expression from his quickly growing Portuguese vocabulary: “não pode”. Consider the power of those few words: “You may not”. And consider the difficulty if you couldn’t utter or understand them. Of course, little children have other ways of communication to express their will, but before they start talking it’s on a pretty basic level (after all, “uääääää” can mean a million things, sometimes confusing even the most ambitious of parents).

Seeing my little boy’s language skill develop as rapidly as it does makes me almost speechless (no pun intended). As we are both learning Portuguese for the moment, it is interesting to compare our abilities. And while it takes at least five repetitions for me to recall a new word in Portuguese, he will remember immediately. What is more; he somehow manages to learn THREE languages at one time. Depending on who is talking to him, he understands and uses either Portuguese/Kriulo (with Cape Verdeans), Finnish (with his mother) or Swedish (with me). Not that he realizes that it is in fact three languages – he simply adapts to the circumstance that different people call things differently. Sometimes he will even say the same thing in all three languages just to make sure that he is understood.

The desire to learn a language is surely one of the most powerful driving forces we have as human beings. According to the Harvard professor Steven Pinker, language is a human instinct, wired into our brains by evolution like web-spinning in spiders or sonar in bats. In several books, he has convincingly explained how evolution has led to our brains being genetically pre-programmed, just waiting to be filled with grammar and vocabulary at a very early stage in life.

And it makes sense, since language is an absolute precondition for our species to live and prosper on this planet. For one thing, it is by far the most efficient way to get something you want. If you cannot communicate what you want, chances are quite slim that you will get it. If you can’t tell people off, there is a big risk that they won’t stop. Therefore, children who learn languages early on will have an enormous payoff, even affecting their chances of survival. And the more languages we pick up as children, the better linguists we become as adults.

We can all relate to the lack of language skills, being unable to express ourselves properly or to understand what people are saying. It can be very frustrating. A good example of this was when our new car broke down in Cape Verde some months ago (see previous blog “My relationship with Toyota”). The local Toyota representative refused to accept the warranty, and it took a lot of time and effort to resolve the issue. I am convinced that this was mainly due to the fact that I didn’t speak Portuguese or Kriolu very well. With only basic knowledge of a language, it is almost impossible to explain and negotiate a case, put forward demands and claim rights. Language means power.

As another example, I have been working many years as an environmental negotiator, and one of the first things I realized was how important it was to use the diplomatic language. Regardless which language-base you use (English was mine), there is a set of fairly strict rules to apply – most of them unwritten – based on courtesy, formality and repetition. This skill is absolutely necessary in order to build agreements between constituencies with different cultures, traditions and priorities, since it creates trust and minimizes fear and disbelief. Diplomats who mastered this language got a lot of things done, whereas those who didn’t failed miserably. Again, language equals power.

But language is not only necessary to get what we want. I would claim that without a language, we would hardly know or understand anything. Imagine life without words and sentences. Try to form a concrete thought without a language. You can’t. And even if you could, what good would it be if you couldn’t share and communicate it with anyone? Without language, the world would be a complete blur of confusing and inexplicable impressions, without any possibility to differentiate or understand them. Probably it would be a very scary place. Understanding is about distinguishing and identifying, which simply can’t be done in any detail without a language.

Consider that we would have had no language at all. I don’t think we can even start to imagine what our lives would look like. A couple of weeks ago we could read in the papers about a woman who spent 19 years completely alone in a remote forest in Cambodia. What I found most intriguing about this story was that she spoke no language at all, and I can’t help wondering what this meant to her ability to understand herself and the surrounding world. As could be expected, the reports describe the woman as generally confused and terrified. Her comprehension will no doubt increase considerably however, if and when she learns a language.

Putting all of this into a Cape Verdean perspective, I realize two things.

First, the importance of preserving and developing the local language, Kriulo, as a corner stone of Cape Verdean culture and national identity. Optimally, Kriulo should be developed and become the formal language, to be used also in Cape Verdean law, governmental decisions etc.

Secondly, it seems to be a good idea to encourage more Cape Verdeans to learn other foreign languages (besides Portuguese). Tourists and investors alike, most of them will inevitably feel more comfortable in a country where they can communicate more easily.

Schools apparently have an important role in teaching 3^rd and 4^th languages. But I am also told that over half of Cape Verde’s population live abroad; many of them must necessarily speak English or French. Perhaps I am too bold, but what if all exile Cape Verdeans made a commitment to teach their foreign language to family and friends when they come home for visits, or that they sponsor foreign language classes in Cape Verde so that the rest of the family can learn their new language while they are away? I would think that this be one of the most efficient, cheapest and quickest ways to boost tourism and economic development in Cape Verde.

I, for my part, have started to give some simple English lessons to our guard, so that one day he might find a better job, perhaps as a guide. It’s a small step, but it’s something. Moreover, I will make an effort to learn kriolu, just like my son, so as to better understand the Cape Verdean culture – as well as my son! Kre papia kriolu...

To be a full time dad in Cape Verde

Today is the International Woman’s Day. I will therefore devote this blog to a favorite subject of mine: parenthood and gender-equality.

Let me start by a declaration: I am an extremely privileged man. Not only am I happily married to the most wonderful and smartest woman I know. And not only am I blessed with an extraordinary healthy, energetic and funny little two-year-old. My privilege is even larger than that. Why? Well, it’s quite simple: more than having a family that I love, I actually have an abundance of time to spend with them, and in particular with my son.

Historically, geographically and culturally, the concept of a stay-at-home-dad is very new, and it still is – unfortunately – extremely rare. The number is growing, but it is yet only a tiny proportion of all men who ever gets the chance to spend any significant time with their children. In almost every culture and society around the globe, women are considered most appropriate to bring up children full time, in particular small children. Some would even claim say it’s against “God’s will” or the laws of biology to do otherwise.

This is all nonsense, of course. Men are just as fit and capable to raise small children as women are, if only they had the will and the encouragement. The only thing that men can’t do is to breastfeed, which is why it might be more convenient for the woman to stay at home during the first 6-12 months. But this biological circumstance gives no excuse for continuing in this way when the baby grows older. Moreover, thanks to the invention of breast-pumps, men can in fact nowadays take care of this aspect as well.

For me, the decision to take a break from my career within the Swedish Government Offices and follow my wife to Cape Verde as a spouse and full time dad was easy, and I haven’t regretted it one bit. The experience of taking care of our little guy and to see him grow, take his first steps, develop new skills and personality, learn to speak (in our case Swedish, Finnish and Portuguese at the same time) is nothing but fascinating, and invaluable.

This is not to say that being a full time parent is easy. Those who might think that being at home with the kids equals leisure and fun only are very much mistaken. Changing nappies, cleaning up all kinds of mess, making baby food and having to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a baby can sometimes be very tiring. What is more: the level of responsibility is immeasurable. Being responsible for a baby’s or a toddler’s safety, sustenance, clothing, hygiene, physical and psychological development etc is a HUGE task. The predominating idea that paid employment is somehow more important or valuable to society than raising kids is completely flawed.

To be a full-time dad anywhere is great. But to be a full-time daddy in Cape Verde is even better. During my first paternal leave, when we were living in Belgium, I was responsible for almost every home duty, including cleaning, dish-washing, cooking etc. This would be the normal situation for the parent staying at home. As expats living in Cape Verde however, it is almost compulsory to employ a housekeeper. This means that I am liberated from many of these ordinary obligations, and I can therefore concentrate even more on fatherhood. Moreover, we have employed a babysitter who takes care of our little one now and then. This gives me some free time which is normally a very rare luxury in this area. Thanks to this, I benefit from all the advantages of being a full time dad, while still finding some time of my own, for instance to write a few blogs.

So, what are the downsides of being a stay at home dad in Cape Verde? I can only list a few, and they all have to do with other peoples prejudice and expectations. For instance, at times I have received surprised stares, laughs and comments in the streets of Praia when taking walks with the baby pram. I remember two women once passing by who even offered their help to take care of the baby. Also, quite a few people who have been unaware of our family situation have taken for granted that I am the one with a job, and addressed my wife as a housewife. I must confess that this is a bit annoying. Other than that, life as a house-daddy is not difficult here.

It should be obvious by now that I am quite proud to be a stay-at-home-dad. And I call on all fathers to try it on for size for as long as they possibly can; ideally to (at least) the same extent as the mother. If you are working, take parental leave. If you are unemployed, take full responsibility for the kids for a while. And if you somehow find that being a full time father is incompatible with your opinion of what a man should or shouldn’t do, get over it! It’s not worth loosing your time with your kids just because of an obsolete prejudice. I’m telling you, you won’t regret it. It is a true privilege to be a full time dad.